Tuesday, February 28, 2017

Pneumonia & MELT DOWNS

The road ahead is clear and I put the cruise control to 65 so I can focus on breathing and lowering my heart rate. Gazing up into my rear view mirror I see Lucas. His eyes are sunken, he is coughing consistently and shaking.

I knew this morning when Lucas woke up at 2 am coughing and coughing with a high temperature that today was going to be interesting. The again when I was painting my face I heard cough, cough, cough, cough, cough! “Mom I just threw up!” I knew we would be visiting the doctors again.

My eyes gaze back and forth from the road to the list of instructions to Children’s hospital. My mind is in survival mode. The words; just get through the next obstacle, it’s going to be okay are running loops through my mind.

After checking in, weighing Lucas again, testing his low oxygen levels again and finally getting an x-ray we are told it is in fact Pneumonia even though his lungs sounded perfect! Just 10 days previous we had the same diagnosis with Jack after which our dog ate something that got stuck in her pipe that connects her stomach to her intestines and vomited A LOT over the course of 3 days… I think February has it out to take down my family!

I find myself loading a more energized version of Lucas into the car thanks for modern medication. As we head to the pharmacist and home Lucas chats about Africa and what the weather is like there, and where do cheetahs live and what about lions and before we know it he is talking about the wholly mammoth and asking me whether I think it was bigger than the blue whale????

My heart is trying to smile because he is chatting and being more energized than he had been all day. Because he has been discharged from the hospital. Because he has medicine in him. Because we get to go home. Because, because, because. But my heart couldn’t smile yet, BECAUSE it was still trying to hold it together and my mind was trying to calm my body so I did vomit all over the car.

When life gets messy, unpredictable and stressful eventually a meltdown will happen. “Not in the car I tell myself” I am determined to stay focused and breathe.

Well we are home now.


Lucas is coughing on the couch playing on my phone (so unsanitary but he’s been hugging on me since he’s been sick so what can I do?…) and I am at my computer writing because I need to write to process my feelings, the ones that I recognize and let the ones that I don’t recognize just come to the surface and be.

I have family and friends who have prayed for Lucas, friends who have helped and one who is bringing us dinner. I feel a lot of support:) In the darker moments, I feel God’s love as I open up and ask for help and receive help when it’s offered. Heavenly Father’s love is coming to me through the vessels of others who are listening to him.

And I have to say THANK-YOU!

I have a tendency to sometimes think I am a failure because I find life hard and feel small when I compare my challenges to the challenges of others. But I am learning that life is not to be compared but rather to be lived and experienced. If MY experiences turn me to my Savior and provide me with opportunities to use His perfect atonement then I am learning and growing in Him and slowly will become more like Him.

It’s babystep...



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