Tuesday, March 7, 2017

IT'S MUSICAL SEASON: part 1

I have the awesome privilege to work on an amazing team of inspiring, glorious women. We create musicals for children's theater together. With 6 practices left we are in full swing of excitement...oh and the stress!!

Before life gets itself into a terrific swirl of busyness I wanted to take a trip down memory lane and share lessons I have learned from being involved in musical theater as a wee teenager. 

-I am the black haired, brown skined gal:)


My journey with musical theater started so long ago but no one has enough time or is even interested in that so I'll just turn back the clock 16 years...

As a 16 year old I was jubilant with excitement and trill as I had just been cast as Carmen in the musical FAME. If you are not familiar with this musical it's about high school students at a performing arts school; there are various love stories interwoven in the story, success, major teenage drama, failure, drugs, sex, death and sadness. Although, at the end of the show somehow everything seems to be OK and everyone is dancing on top of a car jumping into toe touches with shaking jazz hands. 

There were two of us cast as Carmen; Nikita and myself; we spilt up the nights. I was a better dancer and she was a better singer.  I was a performer with potential but my voice was inconsistent and under developed and absolutely was not capable of belting the songs my character sang. Instead of recognizing this I continued forward staining my voice and hoping for a miracle.
(ps this is not the way to get a miracle)

Please understand that I was an uber naive (still am in some ways) 16 year old. Get ready to giggle because it's incredibly ironic that me; the christian, Mormon girl playing the wild, talented performer who basically sells her soul for fame in LA and then gets addicted to drugs plus other things and ends up dying. In our rendition a train killed her.  I screamed really, REALLY loud! Anyway somehow being a girl who only wanted to shine on stage a lot of details flew right over my head and never fully pierced into my perception. 

When I realized there was a song the boys sung that was basically talking about them trying to control an erection I was horrified!!!!! Seriously! what the heck???!! I felt so uncomfortable but after having a conversation with my director asking her to do something about it I just ignored it and hoped somehow things would magically sort themselves out and that song would not make the final cut.

 It didn't work.
(again this is not the way to create change)

FYI, the me back then and the me now still agree songs about such private matters are never appropriate... ever.

Anyway, getting back to the lesson learned idea; a massive lesson I learned came when my family came to watch the show. Of course my dad was horrified because all the innuendos, crude humor and sexual movement did not go over his head. I remember him telling me how watching our musical made him feel and if I had not have been in the show he would have left. He didn't comment on our talent or the choreography or anything because the way it made him feel didn't allow him to enjoy those parts. 


I realized that day that I never wanted to jeopardize who I am and the standards I uphold even if I am just pretending on stage. I wanted to only be involved in performances that made people feel good, that filled then with light and truth and encouraged them to be better. 

A lesson I learned later was it's OK to turn down a part if you know in your heart that you are not capable of singing the songs and that someone can do a better job. At the time it felt so good to be the lead. Being 16 and the lead in the school musical was a pretty magical place to be and it blinded me. I remember being so overwhelmed and nervous about certain songs because I knew I butchering them and that my double was better. That constant comparison haunted me then and for a long time after. 

Life is full of opportunities. Whether they are positive or negative it's the lessons we glean from life and it's opportunities that are most important. 


Look out for part 2 learn about the lesson I learned while performing in college. 
Share:

Saturday, March 4, 2017

LETS TALK ABOUT MONEY...

Beautiful humans!! 



(awesome picture of the coast in Wales because I need to make this whole MONEY topic more inviting)




IF

you are someone who gets qweezy, stressed out, frustrated and/or upset when you talk / think about or engage in money then this is for you.

IF

You love going through your finances and couldn't think of anything more joyful and relaxing than sitting at the computer going through your monthly budgets then please do NOT waste you time reading my ramblings...leave now!!



SO,
Me and money are not good friends. Our relationship is very dysfunctional. Sadness:(

Now, I don't say this because I feel like we never have enough money, actually we have been very blessed with financial growth 

BUT

I really, really, really really DO NOT like to deal with it or be responsible for it.

yes that is SO CHILDISH, 

SO IMMATURE,

AND 

SO IGNORANT not to mentions ungrateful...another sad face:(

BUT it is the truth and I 'aint proud of it:( actually I have cried many, many times over the very fact that I find it so hard to be engaged in this capacity. 


But fear not there are rays of light ahead
because
I started reading an AMAZING book that is really speaking to my heart and makes a whole lotta sense to me; my brains and heart. 

Here is the grand ole book.
 Money, A love story by Kate Northrup!




Take a  good look! Then before reading on hop on to your library server and see if it's available.



This is book where you will need to have a journal with you and in order to benefit from it's goodness you HAVE TO DO THE WRITING EXERCISES. I am only halfway through and already feel like I have a lot more clarity on why I have such a disconnect with money

I have to make tiny tiny baby steps in order to create a better, no brighter,
no
BEEEEEAUTIFUL RELATIONSHIP WITH MONEY.





My determined STEP 1

Check my bank account EVERY day.

If you just rolled your eyes and thought some judgy thingy-mo-hugger thought then remember you DO NOT NEED TO READ THIS you are probably in a mad love affair with your bank account and have none of the emotional hang ups that I happen to have with the big dollar signs. Just move right along and google cute cat pictures so something like that.


No hurt feelings.




But if anything I said resonated with you

the first thing you need to do is

GET THE BOOK or BORROW IT 

don't over think it, just do it

then think of one SMALL thing you can do to start engaging with your money

and then tell someone (that someone could be me...hint hint, wink wink)




Share:

Friday, March 3, 2017

A DINNER with a DIFFERENCE





At church I get the privilege (scary at times, but mostly thrilling) to be a leader for the girls from 12-18 years of age. The super awesome thing about these specific girls is they know who Jesus Christ is, they know that they were created by their Heavenly Father and they are trying to navigate their way through a difficult and confusing world and spreading goodness while they try.

Remarkable is a great word to describe them.

I am pretty obsessed with them all!

We had the opportunity to plan an activity and being the girls they are laden with energy, humor and enthusiasm they choose a spaghetti dinner...

BUT FEAR NOT 

this was not just your ordinary spaghetti dinner it was a chance to learn about unity and working together. 

How in the world did we make the connection????

Hold your horses tiger, I am getting there:)

So all boys and girls from 3 congregations from 12-18 got together, around 50 all together. We covered the floor and tables  with painters plastic (sorry earth ill recycle extra hard this month) and divided them into their age groups; 12-13, 14-15, 16-18. Each group was given a handicap; huge strange kitchen utensils, hand ties and blind folds. Seated round tables they tried to pour water, butter bread, dish up salad and spaghetti AND clean up their mess. 

It was hilarious watching a teenage boy try to butter his bread with salad tongs. I found myself giggling uncontrollably when a table of boys with their hands tied to each other eating their food with mouths touching their plates. But the most tricky was when the blindfolded group were attempting to pour water... their plates ended up looking more like water soup than spaghetti. HAHAHAHA

Half way through our dinner the oldest group whose handicap was to use big, awkward utensils gained another handicap: the blind fold!!!! This symbolized that the older you become the more you have to learn to work with one another because there are greater challenges and temptations and without the help and support from each other it can become easy to get lost and lose perspective. 

There were lots of laughs, giggles and perhaps some may have learned something about unity and team work. 

I am thankful I got to watch the beautiful, smart and courageous young women plan and execute such a great activity #proudleadermoment



































Share:

Tuesday, February 28, 2017

Pneumonia & MELT DOWNS



The road ahead is clear and I put the cruise control to 65 so I can focus on breathing and lowering my heart rate. Gazing up into my rear view mirror I see Lucas. His eyes are sunken, he is coughing consistently and shaking.

I knew this morning when Lucas woke up at 2 am coughing and coughing with a high temperature that today was going to be interesting. The again when I was painting my face I heard cough, cough, cough, cough, cough! “Mom I just threw up!” I knew we would be visiting the doctors again.

My eyes gaze back and forth from the road to the list of instructions to Children’s hospital. My mind is in survival mode. The words; just get through the next obstacle, it’s going to be okay are running loops through my mind.


After checking in, weighing Lucas again, testing his low oxygen levels again and finally getting an x-ray we are told it is in fact Pneumonia even though his lungs sounded perfect! Just 10 days previous we had the same diagnosis with Jack after which our dog ate something that got stuck in her pipe that connects her stomach to her intestines and vomited A LOT over the course of 3 days… I think February has it out to take down my family!


I find myself loading a more energized version of Lucas into the car thanks for modern medication. As we head to the pharmacist and home Lucas chats about Africa and what the weather is like there, and where do cheetahs live and what about lions and before we know it he is talking about the wholly mammoth and asking me whether I think it was bigger than the blue whale????


My heart is trying to smile because he is chatting and being more energized than he had been all day. Because he has been discharged from the hospital. Because he has medicine in him. Because we get to go home. Because, because, because. But my heart couldn’t smile yet, BECAUSE it was still trying to hold it together and my mind was trying to calm my body so I did vomit all over the car.


When life gets messy, unpredictable and stressful eventually a meltdown will happen. “Not in the car I tell myself” I am determined to stay focused and breathe.


Well we are home now.

Breathe

Lucas is coughing on the couch playing on my phone (so unsanitary but he’s been hugging on me since he’s been sick so what can I do?…) and I am at my computer writing because I need to write to process my feelings, the ones that I recognize and let the ones that I don’t recognize just come to the surface and be.


I have family and friends who have prayed for Lucas, friends who have helped and one who is bringing us dinner. I feel a lot of support:) In the darker moments, I feel God’s love as I open up and ask for help and receive help when it’s offered. Heavenly Father’s love is coming to me through the vessels of others who are listening to him.

And I have to say THANK-YOU!


I have a tendency to sometimes think I am a failure because I find life hard and feel small when I compare my challenges to the challenges of others. But I am learning that life is not to be compared but rather to be lived and experienced. If MY experiences turn me to my Savior and provide me with opportunities to use His perfect atonement then I am learning and growing in Him and slowly will become more like Him.


It’s babystep...

babystepsJ









Share:

Monday, February 27, 2017

SUGAR ADDICTION... I HAVE ONE



I find myself thinking 

"I don't really have a sugar addiction" 

"I could have a piece of chocolate and I would be fine" 

"I really want a little cake because I want to give myself a little gift" 

"I can start and stop when I like"

BLAH 
BLAH 
BLAH
BLAH

I think this is exactly how an addition looks. 
The denial, the reasoning, the lies.

I have a sugar addiction. 
It feels GOOD to admit that:)

Yesterday night was challenging emotionally and I wanted to devour chocolate, cookies and naughty yummy stuff but I didn't-

I DIDN'T!!!!!

BOOM BABY!

Now that is a success that I am going to cheer about. 
(I am jumping up and down, swinging my hips side to side and smiling ultra wide)

It's baby steps friends, tiny steps of progress moving in the right direction. Every moment I have where I triumph like this I will scream   "I did it! I did it! I put my health first!!!" And when I say health I mean physical, emotional, mental and spiritual health because all those facets benefit from that triumph and others similar to it.

Take a look at your addiction and look at it straight on and decided to do something about it and start today by making those tiny baby steps to living free of that addiction. 




Share:
© Seek Light Shine Bright | All rights reserved.
Blogger Template Designed by pipdig