Monday, December 19, 2016

Churning tummy until the next step

I have had an unsettled tummy for several days now.

 I feel nausea and icky and yes some of it has to do with that female thingy that happens each month but some of it has to do with my emotions. When I have emotions stuck inside of me, swirling around bouncing off the walls of my inner frame I feel this way. I used to always think I was pregnant (it was SO stressful because I wanted to be and when I wasn't my heart broke again and again) because this unsettled nausea was very similar. I have come to learn this ickiness has nothing to do with illness for me but it's a way for my heart to tell me through my body that I need to address some unsettled or trapped or ignored emotions within me. 

So back to my unsettled tummy a.k.a my unsettled/trapped/ignored emotions.

The past four months both my boys have been in full time school and it's been great! I felt my Heavenly Father tell me to ride out this time getting in touch with me, who I am without my little people next to me all day. It has been very gratifying and I am so thankful that my sweetheart supported me. 

Some things I have learnt about me:

I love people (I already knew that!)

I love quiet alone time

I love routines and hate routines

I love building things

I love volunteering at school

I love creating

I love my dancing yoga I am creating and love teaching it to my friends

I love love music

I am distracted (already knew that!)

I really need accountability

I am proactive if I have a timeline

I get scared when I think I might fail 

I love a lot of things 

I want to do everything

The last few months I have been developing my Dancing Yoga it's basically a compilation of yoga and modern dance. I am still developing it but it has been so fun and brought me great joy. I hope to teach it soon but remember I am having an unsettled tummy... This morning as I did my dancing yoga at 6 am in my empty basement I ended up laying on my back feeling ill. My tummy was churning and turning and I wanted to curl up and hide. I am pretty sure it because I am scared of the next step: To actually start teaching it for real, to share it with my yoga friends to get their feed back and
 constructive criticism and continue to grow - it terrifies me so much so that I feel like a tsunami is happening within me. 

So I can either ignore and distract myself until the feeling returns OR I can take the next step.

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