Monday, October 10, 2011

melt down

It was one of those mornings. Jack was oh SO dramatic, every 5 minutes he was crying or screaming over something. Lucas screamed and screamed for reasons I could not understand and I just wanted a day off but piles of laundry, shirts to be ironed that I have neglected for SO long and crumbs crusted on every surface or my house were all screaming for my attention. A day off was not an option. To make matters worse it's that time of the month for me and more emotions than I can handle are trying to surface and I haven't exercised in 4 days.

I was trying to keep things under control until Jack started crying over the camelbak (our hiking hydration system). He had got it out and played with it (not allowed) and left it around for the dog to pick up and play with leaving it broken. At this point the emotional dam within me broke. He was screaming I was yelling (not proud of that). My house was not a home filled with peace rather and home where the adversary was rampant. I am ashamed of the emotions I felt and the way that I expressed them.

Really, nothing tragic had happened but the gradual build up that had been happening over the last two weeks had filled my dam too high and because I had not taken the time to focus on my emotional needs they went wild. After my yelling episode and providing an excellent example of what not to do for my son I gathered myself and realized there was only one way to find peace.


Weird, but truly exercise is an essential key to my happiness. I told Jack he had to play in his room or in the yard but I had to be alone to work out and get rid of all my negative attitudes and emotions. He left me and I put my Insanity DVD in and worked so hard. I screamed, yelled and grunted as I attempted to run, jump, punch, do every kind of push up imaginable. At the end my muscles were shaking and I was crying. It felt so good to cleanse my body of all the negative energy I had allowed into it.

I apologized to Jack for my behavior. Really, he deserves better. Onward and Up!

1 comment

Gwen said...

We all need a melt down now and again - that way we know how cool it is to not have one :-)

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