Friday, April 24, 2015

Ben had yet another birthday

This handsome guy, who happens to not only be my BFF but an incredible human being had a birthday and turned 32!

Yes that cheesecake has 32 candles on it. Was I worried about the possible fire issues: yes, yes I was. But I didn't burn the house down or destroy the cake with candle wax. 

I'm totally I'm love with this guy. Truly don't know how I lucked out so well. I cannot imagine my life without him by my side. I hope I can always be worthy of him and always remind him how wonderful he is.






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Thursday, April 23, 2015

Insecurities

Right now my body is plagued with insecurities. My natural instinct is to drown my taste buds in chocolate but lets face it that will only end in a bloated tummy, a ruined dinner and more insecurities.

I just arrived home from my 6 week long dance class recital for my students families. Let's back up a few steps and realize I kind of threw this dance class together; I mentioned to our awesome principle my idea and within 12 days we were getting to know each other in our first dance class. OK, now fast forward to now- By the way I have LOVED teaching these beautiful girls dance and getting to know their wonderful personalities- I printed off the girls photos and with them attached a note about our practice and assembly performance. I handed them out this afternoon. Guess what? I wrote the wrong date.

I know people make mistakes like this but I make them ALL.THE.TIME. So I have to re-tell everyone that it's wrong and them a few of the girls were staring to freak out. I find out that I had told them the wrong time for today's performance HOW.COULD.I.DO.THAT? We phoned parents to tell them the real time and waited but one of the girls family just couldn't do it. She was devastated. I feel terrible. I feel insecure. I feel like I failed her. I guess I did in a way.

So, right now I feel uncomfortable as I am once again staring straight at myself with my weaknesses exposed and my heart heavy. It seems like I make zero progress and I know that's not true its just my progress is SO slow often too slow. When I feel this way I want to give up and stop doing these things that bring me such joy because of the fear that I will fail another person and continue to make the same mistakes or I just dig the feelings so deep I become numb to them.

It doesn't help that our last two chickens got killed by a fox last night because I forgot to lock up the coop. Yes, my own negligence killed our beautiful chickens. Oh how I want to bury these feelings with a Carmelo.

Today I am trying something different. I am going to feel this. REALLY feel this and see where it takes me. Perhaps it will be like breathing through an uncomfortable yoga pose, the more you stay there and feel it the greater ability our body has to change and evolve into that space. It is only as one stays in the posture that they will build strength and flexibility.

I wish internal change was as easy as external. Here goes nothing!


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Saturday, April 18, 2015

Realization through the eyes of Christ

I am standing looking up into the eyes of the Christus, a depiction of my Savior. I have seen this statue many times in different environments and yet this time it feels so different, so real, so sacred. Perhaps it is because there is no one else in the room just me alone with the Christus and my thoughts. I stare into his eyes. I imagine what I would say to my Savoir if it was Him standing in front of me. I start to pour out my heart asking for forgiveness for my many, many shortcomings. I ask Him to be with me, to guide me, to comfort me. I feel like a broken record as my heart pleads to be more like Him. What would you have me do better? How can I better follow your path?....

And then I had a flash back to this morning when I lost my temper with my children and spoke to them in angry tones urging them to get into the car. Then these words pierced my heart;


And behold, I tell you these things that ye may learn wisdom; 
that ye may learn that when ye are in the service of your fellow beings
 ye are only in the service of your God.

I knew in that instant my actions and attitudes to my children were the way I treated my Savior. I looked deeper into His eyes and through hot tears I asked for forgiveness. I decided that I needed to treat my children the way I would treat my Savior. I needed to serve them more fully and wholeheartedly. 

I turn and walk out the door to my car and view my service to my children differently. The way I treat them, serve them, love them is the way in which I am treating, serving and loving my Savior. 

All I can say to my Savior is Thank-you for teaching me how to better follow your path. 
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Friday, April 17, 2015

MOAB 2015






So, we bought an RV. 
We took it on it's first adventure to Moab. 
Grandma and Grandpa came from Idaho to join us. It was pretty wonderful. 

Here is a video to give you a peek of what we did:








This was our back drop to our trailer. Pretty magnificent!



The Colorado River  







Look REALLY hard and you will see people rock climbing without harnesses... wowza! 
They are hardcore.






On one of the hike we went on. Jack declared it the best hike EVER. 







Amazing stary nights






more hiking...






ARCHES!
Window arch, I think...




Up on double arch! My favorite arch. 









Delicate arch from afar 





Me and my very favorite person.


These two...





The best family picture we could get. Well we didn't try very hard but I love it anyway. Lucas is really into faces lately if you couldn't tell. 




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