Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Heavens parental guidence

Today Jack walked through the door after school "you are SO mean!" exploded out of his mouth. Then there was a whole lot of accusing, anger and frustration seeping out of every pore on Jack's body. His P.E teacher had called me to ask if Jack could play because of his arm being in a splint...no was the answer and apparently when the doctor plainly explained to Jack a week ago that he was not to play football or other sports it was not clear enough. Of course in situations as these it is always the mothers fault.

An afternoon of overly dramatic and angry feelings zooming around my house for sometime. I sat on my bed stopped folding the mounds of laundry folded my arms and asked for help from heaven.

Normally, I would scold my Father in heaven for making my child so difficult... pathetic but its the truth. This time through humility I asked that my perfect Father in heaven would help me see how much I love my child, have a greater desire to want to teach him through love and kindness and actually help me love aspects of it. 

It was remarkable. No angles came and perfected my situation. Jack didn't suddenly switch from being the dramatic and emotional seven year old and I didn't magically have all the answers. I did however feel peace. My heart softened as I realized I wasn't really mad at Jack I was mad at how I was reacting to him or my lack of love towards helping him.

As I spoke with him I was calmer, had inspiration to teach him a principle in a way that was better than anything I could ever have come up with. I was able to focus on my reaction and try to seek God's direction rather than try to control my child. What a shift that was! So often I am trying to control and make Jack into something that is easy and continent for me while I refuse to listen to God  myself. This time I was focused on listening to what my Heavenly Father wanted me to do, I was trying to submit myself to Him. 


Monday, September 29, 2014

Katy and Brandon's wedding

Ben's step sister got married and we had the privilege of attending their marriage and reception. It was lovely to be there and lovely to be together as a couple for so many hours without our darling kiddies!

I snapped just a few photos of their wedding without being too obnoxious with my camera. Oh it's so hard not to take photos of beautiful events but I tried hard to not get in the way of the hired photographers and only pulled out my camera a few times:)

Of course I could take all the pictures of Ben and I so I did. He is getting so much more tolerant of my desire to take photos but he gives me a hard time when I take these selfies with my DSLr camera. Oh well I love these pictures of us!


Friday, September 26, 2014

early release day = dog park fun!

Jack had an early release day which means he finished school 2 hours early. I though that we would go on a fun and wonderful walk to the dog park. After a bunch of crying, mess making, arguing and frustration we finally left the house... I was thinking "why oh why am I doing this?" 

After some counsel where I am sure my kids would have been rolling their eyes as they sat in the back of the car we had a very enjoyable walk to and from the dog park. I guess it was worth all the drama. It is safe to assume that Reagan loved every minute. 

We arrived home to the task of saving the chickens from a bird of prey... all chickens were found scared but safe with feathers littering the yard. 

My life might be crazy and messy but it's mine and I am thankful God has given it to me.

Oh, our adventures!


Thursday, September 25, 2014

Tuesday, September 23, 2014

A quick walk

Right before Lucas stuck a be be bullet (that he found on our walk) into his ear cavity and went to urgent care we were on a walk as a family in the large field in our neighborhood and it was lovely. 

The day before jack and I had spent half the day getting x-rays and his arm in a splint. I think with these two and my medical experiences lately we are quite done with doctor visits. 


Grave visit

September 22nd we would have been celebrating Ben's dad's birthday; making birthday calls and looking forward to our traditional Sunday family birthday celebration dinner. As he is no longer here on earth with us we choose to visit his grave for our family night activity and shared things that we loved about him. Just a few that were shared:

always sharing treats
playing with me
making others always feel loved
his dance moves
his nicknames that he gave others

Lately during our family scripture studies we have been learning about how prophets of old used the power of God to bring the dead back to life. Several times Lucas has asked "Well why can't we just bring Grandpa back to life?" With heavy hearts we have tried to explain it to him.

The shock of loosing him lessens over time but the sting that comes with missing him is still very present.

This is the spot where his grave is. 
His is the one without grass and a headstone (working on getting that) there is a lovely view of the flag that we thought he would appreciate that!


Monday, September 22, 2014

Last Sunday

In The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints we usually attend church within the boundaries where we live. Five years ago our family was asked to attend a branch (small congregation) further away from our house in fact there were more than 10 congregations of our church closer. This branch was called the "Barnum Park Branch". As a family we have come to love the people in the Barnum Park branch, they have become dear loved ones that hold a special place in our hearts.

Our testimonies of Jesus Christ have been strengthened because of the opportunities we have had in the branch. We have so many lovely, spiritual and heart warming memories.

Yesterday was our last Sunday in the Barnum Park branch. Our family is being released from our calling/assignment and others will replace us and we will attend church with a congregation closer to home. It was a very bitter sweet experience.

After church I had to get some pictures of some of the people in the branch who I love dearly I wish I had got more but these are dear to me:)


Saturday, September 20, 2014

together for...

This past week my love and I celebrated nine years of marriage. 
Did you hear that?
 9 nine years! 

When I think of life before Ben it seems like a world away. I feel so thankful to have found someone who I love and continue to love and fall deeper in love with. 

Together we have grown up because really at the young ages of 20 and 22 we were very young adults and still had so much to learn about the big adult world, heck we are still learning and what a gift it has been to learn together.  

We had a sweet night of sushi, deep conversation, laughter, go-cart racing with teenagers and reminiscing plus a mini photo shoot by yours truly:)

I am utterly grateful that Ben has been able to see past my quirks and weaknesses and encourage me to be more than  I could ever have imagined while loving and supporting me the whole way. 

I am so lucky and so happy to be next to Mr. Carney for the rest of my life and into the eternities.  

Outside our sushi restaurant; yum!


Friday, September 12, 2014

Autumn is happening

Autumn is really starting to happen here in Colorado. The bite in the morning air, the turning leaves, the batches and batches of dried apples and a sneaky desire to wrap myself in a blanket with the kettle bubbling for some hot chocolate are all signs of Autumn.

I normally dread this time of year. Awful I know! Who doesn't love the orange leaves and comforting smells of Autumn? I don't really understand why Autumn is normally a hard time of year for me....I think maybe it has a lot to do with the feeling of anxiety and homesickness I experienced the first Fall semester at BYU. I think all the lovely smells and traditions of Autumn subconsciously rustle my feelings from long ago of being completely alone in a new environment trying desperately to find my place in it while missing my family that had always been my reliable safety net. 

But this year I don't feel so anxious and grumpy about Autumn. I'm actually excited. I think it's because I am starting to feel healthy and like Jessica Carney; and that is wonderful news! I just got in from being on top of our ancient wobbly ladder picking buckets of apples and now my house is filled with the smell of cinnamon apples. What a gift it is to have enough energy to do that! I am feeling very happy and grateful. 

A funny story about Lucas:

Dad:    Oh gross Lucas! Don't eat you boogies!
Lucas: Why? They taste so good


Jack had a special school event: bridge building. Suspention bridge that is and we did use dental floss; pretty awesome right? I got to go in and help along with other parents. It was a hoot! Check out the video I made of it (Yes I was that parent with her camera and I don't care because now I have it forever).

As I was going through some images and I found these treasures of my father-in-law. I am so grateful for the photos I have taken of him and now that I realize what treasures they are to me I want to make sure I document my life with more zest because who knows how precious the images and videos will be. 

Looking at these images brings joy from former happy times and my heart aches that there will be no more with him...


Thursday, September 11, 2014

I have been sick

I have a phobia of doctors.

Wow I really just admitted that to the internet; yikes! 

It's is true though. For some unknown reason I am utterly uncomfortable and scared of visiting the doctors office enough that I think it makes whatever symptoms I have get worse. This is a silly phobia I guess it becomes a problem when one is sick, sick enough that no longer I can function.

The couple months several symptoms I have been dealing with for around a year had increased in severity and discomfort that it became apparent that I really needed to seek help and find out some answers. I began the process of being tested for a bunch of stuff and trying to educate myself of what possible problems could be wrong with me. The issue with this is on the internet once you start looking you can find out within just one sitting that you have several forms of cancer and a couple diseases!

This is my biggest pet peeve is that the internet if full of everything and not everything is truth so what to believe? but then each doctor is telling you differing things... I just figure I will have to return to school one day and become a doctor so then I will really be able to make educated assumptions. 

Anyhoo, it turns out that I am B12 deficient and have an antibody in my stomach that does not allow the intrinsic factor absorb B12 into my body. Pretty easy fix; B12 injections every 2 weeks for a while until my levels are up and then every so often for the rest of my life. They also want to look down my esophagus and in my stomach to check it out...don't really know what for but I am just thrilled that is the answer to all my feeling sickies lately and that there is a solution. Praise the heavens!

I want to just take a moment to say my family is amazing! I have so many family members praying and fasting for me while I feeling rotten and God really performed mini miracles in my life and I truly believe that they were a direct result from their faith! 

Feeling very blessed today. 

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

We spent last night celebrating all my young women's birthday's. they all happen to have birthdays within 3 weeks of each other. 

There were lots of giggles
a really interesting cake
and people I have come to love so dearly. 

Birthday cake time and yes we sang it 4 times; one traditional, one rap style, one chipmunk style and one very, very loud:)

A poem for my Young Women

Young women you are strong
but people will tell you otherwise
never believe them 
for all the speak are lies

in you
I see greatness
I see grandeur
I see love 
I see power
I see persistence
I see resilience
I see kindness
I see strength
I see compassion
I see light

you all shine so beautifully bright

never forget that
for if you do you will rob yourself of your greatest potential

each morning look into your eyes 
and smile 
smile because you are a daughter of God
because you know who you are
and spend every once of energy
and designing 
a beautiful

now go and live


Tuesday, September 9, 2014

August; re-cap

Some fun snapshots from my phone;
Lucas and I

I painted our bedroom and hung curtains over our closet. When my bedroom is done I may actually take a proper picture:)

We went to Idaho where we had so much fun herehere and  a video here.

Our road trip consisted of lots and lots of time in the car.

lots of singing from my handsome and hilarious husband

On our way we stopped in Flaming Gorge to see my favorite sister; she is the best! Beth and Tanner have been living in Flaming Gorge working as a horse wrangler and a fly fishing guide; fun tines for them. 

how cute are these two cousins? Seriously, the stage they are in is super delightful and funny.

Then there were the snakes at Grandma's work.

We got to say our goodbyes to Ben's grandpa.

   and then the boys started school

The we headed back to Idaho for Ben's Grandpa's funeral.We flew into Salt Lake City, Ben and I went on to Idaho and the boys went and played with my parents. 

The family:)

The epic wiffle ball game in Grandpa's backyard. All the cousins and cousins kids. Happy times!

We then headed back to Utah and celebrated my mum's birthday!

Happy birthday mum!!!

Walking the dogs!

Checking out our garden; it was a little pathetic this year but oh well!

And that folks is about it! August was crazy and exhausting but there were many beautiful moments among everything. 

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