Monday, July 28, 2014

Broken Heart

Dear Jack and Lucas,

I want to write you a letter about a very hard day. A day that changed our family's reality. A day where my heart ached and tears streamed down my face all day long. A day when time stood still for me. A day where my testimony grew and multiplied.

This day is Monday 21st July 2014.

Jack, you had had a rough night with nightmares so I woke up as the sun streamed through the guest bedroom. I rolled over to find you still asleep; thank goodness! You needed all the sleep you could get. I checked my phone for the time and laid there slipping in and out of sleep. Lucas, you were fast asleep in your room. Daddy came in and kissed me goodbye and headed out for work.

Minuets after daddy had left my phone rang. The flashing name "Liz Carney" or Grandma. I immediately thought that was odd but then thought "Oh no! Maybe Great grandma has passed away" we had spent an hour the previous day visiting with Great Grandma for what we thought could be our last time with her.

I clicked answer.

Grandma was crying... "It's Mike.... He wasn't breathing, he is gone..." I went from my sleepy slumber to being completely alert. Did she really say Mike? I start crying and ask some questions but think to myself this can not be so! I tell her I will call Ben and we will be there as soon as possible. I'm off the phone and somehow find myself downstairs running out the door calling for Ben to see if he is still at home.

I dial his number.

I'm crying as I can not believe the words I tell him over the phone, "You need to come back immediately, Liz just called and said your dad wasn't breathing and that, I think he is dead... you need to call her"  Daddy's car in back in the drive way and he rolls down the window with bloodshot eyes bathed in tears he said he would go over there. He pulls away. I fall on the floor and sob. Jack, you asked questions and I told you exactly what I knew while Lucas played in the yard.

It seemed like I was unable to function for a few minutes and then suddenly everything was in fast motion. Within moments I had a babysitter lined up, we were all dressed and I was on my way to the house.

As I drove I spoke with Heavenly Father. I felt so close to Him. I knew he loved me, I knew he loved us all. I knew he would send the Holy Ghost to bless me. I cried the whole drive but felt completely loved.

When I got to Grandma and Grandpa's home there were several police cars. I went on in and found Grandma in the back; we hugged and cried and cried. I didn't want to let go of her. I childishly thought perhaps I would wake up soon and it would all have been a terrible nightmare. I kept thinking "This surely can't be happening! There has to be a mistake."

Sadly, it was not a mistake. Grandpa had died in the early hours of the morning from Heart failure due to heart disease.

My heart started to break as I knew there was no way to alter our new reality. I have lived my whole life trying to follow Jesus Christ, Keeping His commandments and saying I know that we will live with our families in the eternities but I had had few instances to have my faith truly tested.

It's being tested now and I want you boys to know that the Gospel of Jesus Christ is as true and as real as your very own body. The last few days I have felt so close to our Heavenly Father. I have a deepened understanding of what the Atonement Of Jesus Christ is, how it is the only force that can heal us and how without it I am nothing. Not only do I know the Gospel is true I need it, I depend on it. I am utterly grateful for the gift of the Holy Ghost and truly what better gift is there than God's love, comfort, guidance and grace? As hard as the last few days have been and the hard challenges that lay ahead I know if I let Him Christ will lead me, your dad, Grandma and all the others that loved Grandpa so much through this journey and we will be made whole again.

I love you both and pray that you will take the time to come to know your Savior so that he may help you in challenges times like the one we are experiencing now. I want you to know that the only way you can build a testimony of the Gospel of Jesus Christ is by daily choosing Him as your great mediator by living the commandments and staying true to your covenants.

I know we will see Grandpa again and all those others who have passed on to the next life, I don;t understand it but I know it to be true.

Much Love,

Mum x x x

Friday, July 18, 2014

Girls camp

All I can say is it was a joy to accompany my girls (young women) from church to girls camp. 

I love them all so much and are deeply thankful to have them in my life!

 Enjoy the pictures:


Saturday, July 12, 2014

That moment

The last few days my heart has been frustrated with my shortcomings. 

The summer is getting to that point where the boys spend more time arguing, the chores are no longer getting done without major push backs with attitude AND I feel like I should be doing more and doing it all better.

I have a progressive personality; I am always looking to improve and better myself which can and is great sometimes BUT it also can be very destructive when my expectations are unrealistic (which happens to be the case more often than not).

I had slipped into a negative rut...not good.

And then it happened.

I was given a moment.

We were all showered  in our pajama's squished on the small couch with our dog Reagan sprawled out on top of our legs. Our arms and feet were interlocked as we snuggled under a blanket watching a movie. The movie was about adventure and imagination. The boys and I marveled at the animals and giggled at their antics. 

And then I saw it.

I saw us.

Even though we have many weaknesses we were together and in that moment it was quite perfectly lovely. 

I need document these moments because in the thick of life they seem far and few but in reality God blesses us with a multitude of beautiful moments sent from heaven. Moments that make our heart grow and faces lift a smile. 

I am thankful to God for that moment we shared today!

Today was our first performance for My Time To Shine. 
It went great.

check out this cute pic of my boys and I;


Friday, July 11, 2014

Soda lake: with lovely people

I was feeling frustrated and somewhat pathetic. 

A part of me wanted nothing more than a day of from motherhood but alas there is not such thing...

I knew I had to get out and make something of our day otherwise we would end up grouchy and unhappy.


We went to the lake and invited friends 

and I am so glad we did!



Wednesday, July 9, 2014

Lucas is FOUR

The last week each morning Lucas would wake up and ask "is it my birthday today?" I would say no and then tell how many days until his special day, his eyes would light up with delight knowing that it was in the near future. 

Sunday morning I had the joy of wishing him a happy birthday before he could even ask his sweet question. He was a picture of pure joy. I thought my heart might explode!

He was eager to go downstairs and see what was in his birthday pile. With big brother Jack guiding him filled with an equal amount of excitement for his brother they found the gifts. 

Simple wonders bring Lucas great joy. I loved watching his eyes twinkle and his voice say "for me?!" 
His treasures were a few planes, a kite, a bike, a helmet, a paragon falcon, glow in the dark stars and new bedding. 
He was beyond thrilled!

Off to church and we got there early! Early enough to snap a few pics of my birthday boy and his brother

Lucas you are sweet! 

You love to snuggle and twirl my hair with your fingers. 
You love planes and paragon falcons. You adore animals. 
You follow all that your big brother does.
Dinner time is a social experience for you you talk more than you eat:) 
You love sharing stories about your day with us. 
Daddy is your hero.
You are gentle.
You climb on and up things.

I adore you.

Happy Birthday Lucas!

After church Lucas was bursting to get out of his suit pants and into shorts to test out his bike. 
Jack took the role of teaching him how to ride; it was adorable and made my heart swell. 

After watching "The Lion and the Witch and the wardrobe" and dinner it was of course cake time. He was so pleased with his cake and was unable to blow the candles out in one blow, I think he made it in three big blows:)

As the sun was making its way down we ended our birthday boys day at the park flying his new kite. 

It was so cute to watch him stare in awe and wonder at his flying kite.

I seriously can not believe our baby is four years old! Really is that crazy or what? I feel incredibly blessed to have Lucas in my life!


Independence day!

I have lived in America for almost 11 years and with each year my appreciation for Independence day grows. The history of America is powerful. It is inspiring and moving. The more I learn about the people who founded America, about the American spirit of these people the more I love America. 

I think America was the best country. I believe that the desire for freedom, liberty and justice was what made the people and country so glorious. People died for this country, they died because they believed in what it stood for, they were fighting for their freedom. Sadly, I think the roots and history of the constitution are being forgotten and distorted. 

It is a privilege to teach my children about the founding fathers of this country and the privileges of living in America.

God Bless America

We began our celebrations with the Indian Hills Parade/ water fight

The water fight begins!

Our boys really got into this fight, decide for yourself;

Then we headed off to the mountains, up Guenella Pass to enjoy the glorious mountains. We meet our lovely friend's The Young's; they are pretty awesome. They have three delightful three year olds; Aiden, Landon and Emery. 

Now this camping was full of experiences some were GREAT others INTERESTING and then there were the plain moments of FRUSTRATION. But that's life right?

Of course the mountains and wilderness were GREAT! Wow, I feel so blessed to live so close to such beauty. 

Look at those cute boys in their tent! AND take a look at Reagan's tongue is black from eating dirt... oh dear, oh dear.

of to the little lake next to our camp site to pack raft. This was GREAT and have I mentioned how much I love this handsome guy? Because I do:)

GREAT again; WOW! Just beautiful.

As we got back to camp rain droplets started coming, and then it got interesting because they came in force... all of a sudden the rain exploded through the clouds and behind them came hail with thunder and lightning. We all retreated inside our tents and for the next hour waited for the storm to pass. Ben dug trenches around our tent as there was so much water pooling around the tent.

After dinner and smores which were GREAT we loaded the cars and headed to George town for fireworks

We passed Mt Bierstadt

When we got to George Town it was lovely. The sound of old wanna be rock stars filled the air from the band laying live on the local stage. Within 30 minutes of us fining a spot the rain started AGAIN. 

This time the rain was less interesting and adventurous. It would be honest to say we found it down right frustrating. Everyone retreated to their cars but we had not parked super close and the torrential downpour had began so a run to car with five kids and arms full of stuff was not a smart option but the smart option was camping out in the tiny indoor hallway next to the public restrooms. We camped out there for another hour.

Through our frustration we found the humor and thought about how we would look back and laugh and we did.

Finally the rain moved on and the streets were left damp and empty until those who had stayed began to fill the streets and wait for the much anticipated fireworks. As we waited we played with sparklers and then were wooed by pretty explosions in the sky. 

As we drove back to our campsite Jack began to cry, hysterically cry. The crying lasted for hours. He was complaining of ear pain. It was a challenging night with little sleep and patience tried. We all woke up with the desire to get packed up and head home to the doctors. 

It may have been one of our more drama filled camping adventures but it was an adventure the say the least. 

I got home took Jack to the doctors,picked up his prescription, made Lucas a birthday cake, did 5 loads of laundry, swept and mopped the kitchen, vacuumed, wrapped Lucas' presents and prepared a lesson for church. I slept SO good that night!! 

Saturday, July 5, 2014

Testing out the W line

The last few years we have watched the new "w" line of the light rail be made. 
Jack loves transportation.
He has been asking to try it out. 
The time finally came and we tried it out and took a trip to down town for ice cream and a visit to the money museum. 

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