Friday, March 9, 2012

Lesson learned from the last week

With Lucas going into hospital because of RSV and then returning home on oxygen for a 6 days I have learn't so much about myself;

When under pressure in a hospital environment I have the ability to do very well and focus on what and where I need to be.

I want to be involved in any procedure that happens to my child.

I ask the nurses tons of questions and openly share my concerns but have a complex with doctors.

I do not sleep well in hospitals

All the down/quiet time I experienced in the hospital made my mind go wild with ideas and thoughts that as I wrote my journal I sear I saw steam.

When I let go and actually realize that I am terribly stressed I become mentally disabled and have the hardest time focusing on anything.

When I am overwhelmed I yarn to be a child again and not have to worry about big things:)

I realized that I am not as resilient as I thought.

When I allow negativity into my world it can really absorb my soul.

When I am tired, worried and exhausted I become self centered.

Being tied to a child and an oxygen tank makes it really hard to discipline Jack on multiple levels; physically and emotionally.

I really don't enjoy being thrown off my rhythm of life; I found myself longing for normality over and over.

I realize that the ability to actually breathe without needing help is amazing and a blessing I am far more grateful for now than I ever was before.

I am amazed as how many people care about my little family; the prayers, thoughts and acts of service have been enormous, I am truly overwhelmed with gratitude towards so many.

I realize that I have a life full of abundant blessings. While in hospital I meet several people who were there for very serious reasons, I realized as I briefly chatted with a gentleman in the elevator that we were very blessed to be in the hospital for our reasons and not his.

I hope I can remember and retain the lessons I have learned from this experience so  that I can become a better person.


Thursday, March 8, 2012

Life with Oxygen

The last week has been a tough one... Lucas, thankfully came home after just two days in the hospital but with an oxygen tank in tow. I had no idea how inconvenient an oxygen tank was...I discovered quite quickly.  It is really similar to having a dog on a lead permanently plus being attached to a heavy awkward tank.

I had made an appointment to go back to the doctors on Monday with high as the sky hopes that Lucas and I could part ways with his new best friend. Unfortunately, Monday was not to be the day to bid farewell to our new companion. At the doctors as we put the oxygen reader on his finger or the "finger hugger" as Jack likes to call it the numbers started at 90- whoo hoo my heart sang but then the numbers declined down and settled at 88 which was just not good enough.

As we left the doctors with our heavy and inconvenient friend; the oxygen tank Jack declared "see told ya! I knew he wouldn't come off it today!" That little negative stinker, I thought. I wanted to cry not because I felt bad for Lucas but because I am selfish and the thought of four more days living with an oxygen tank in my hand following Lucas everywhere seemed so depressing.

Good thoughts, good thoughts please come...but it was no help I was in a stupor of negativity and the rest of the day went down hill.

Today we went to the doctors and the news was so spectacular oxygen levels 95!! Happiness:) After we took all the sticky patches that were keeping the oxygen tubes in place Lucas started clapping and everywhere we walked he was in a state of giggles. Since being home Lucas has not stopped running around and climbing on things. I am so thrilled he is happy and equally thrilled that I don't have to stay within 10 feet of Lucas and his tank whenever he is awake.

What Life with an oxygen tank looks like:


Friday, March 2, 2012

Naked Lucas

There is something perfectly lovely about naked toddlers and my Lucas is no exception. 

This little guy is sick right now so I hope that he will be soon up running around in the nude back to his normal and delightful self. 


Thursday, March 1, 2012

Hospital time...

I am laying on this awkward hospital coach/bed and watching my little guy sleep in a crib that looks more like a prison cell than a crib but I wont complain because he is asleep and improving by the minute. Five days ago Lucas came down with a tummy bug once that had run its course we started to see different symptoms. It seems that he had the RSV virus which after his first sickness started to manifest itself. Poor little guy. After several trips to the doctors, X-rays and tests it was determined he needed to head to the hospital for oxygen support.

This was the first time I have had to take either of my kids to the hospital. I am not going to lie, as I left the doctors office and before calling Ben tears ran down my face I wanted to trade his sickness and give him my health.  After a couple of deep breaths and a prep talk to myself I decided that these types of emotions were not going to help the situation so they were dismissed and replaced by calm logic.

As we got situated in the ER everyone was commenting on how bad Lucas looked and I kept feeling guilty as he seemed improved compared to his sate during the night. "You should have brought him in earlier" my mind kept thinking. Every nurse that entered our room prodded Lucas with something and he quickly decided that he didn't like people dressed in Green scrubs!

The hardest part for me was being a part of trying to get an IV into him. As soon as I understood that they wanted to put an IV in because he wasn't drinking and had low fluids my heart sank as I thought knowing his luck he has bad veins like I do. The nurse said I could leave...I just couldn't leave my baby with these strangers, he needed me and I knew I could do it. I said trying to hide my nerves, "No I will stay what can I do to help?"

My job was to pin his upper half down and let him see me. As I was holding him down looking into his pleading stare as he screamed for help there was a moment that I wanted to scream myself, push the nurses away and scoop my baby into my loving arms of safety but I knew that was not what would really help him. I learn't a lot about the power of my mind.I told myself to pull it together and see the situation subjectively not emotionally. It truly is amazing the power of the mind.

After an hour and a half and four different nurses it turns out Lucas takes after me in the vein department. By this point his arms are sore and red with bruises, his eyes are puffy from screaming and after ten minuets the IV that finally found its way into his vein has slipped out and made his arm was puffy with fluids. All for nothing... The IV was removed and Lucas decided to drink a lot of water while I said silent prayers that there would be no more talk of IV, I don't think my heart can handle anymore just now.

Last night went quite smoothly. I was so thrilled that Ben and another priesthood holder from church were able to give Lucas a blessing of health and recovery. It was during this blessing that all my emotions entered my heart at force. Feelings of unconditional love soared through my body, I could barley breath all the emotions that had been suppressed came to the surface. I was glad it was dark and my tears could be hid.  I felt so blessed that he was doing better, that we were in a place where people can help him, and that my best friend and companion for life was there using the power of God to bless our child.

These types of experiences help put things into perspective. It become apparent what is really important and what is not, I hope I can leave this hospital with a greater understanding of just how blessed we are.

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