Tuesday, November 11, 2008

"Come unto me all ye that are heavy laden..."

These words of Christ are at the surface of my mind today. Its been one of those days. The sort of day when Jack moans, cries, screams, throws and hits. The sort of day that makes my heart yearn for relief. As I experience these difficult days I become more frustrated because my imperfections are exposed. I wish I was better. I know I can be better but I continue to fall short and allow myself to become impatient and irritated.

I am reminded of what my visiting teaching companion said as she so beautiful taught a lesson; she said that the time young children are in the home is such a tiny part of our mortal life and an even tinier part of our eternal existence. As I think of this, the desire to love unconditionally grows stronger. I have to remind myself that Jack doesn't really understand what he is doing, he is just exercising his freedom and when I retaliate it just feeds his desire of Independence. Instead I should channel his energy into goodness.


Even though today has left a not in my stomach and I just feel like crying, I know that without days like this I wouldn't appreciate the sweet joy of good days and the exquisite happiness found in those rare exceptional days. I know God lives and will listen to my prayers as I plead with him to make me a better, more loving and patient mother. I know that God wants me to better and that he will help me achieve greatness. I don't know where I would be without the glorious knowledge that God LIVES!


Oh, I am slowly learning to appreciate the millions of selfless acts demonstrated by my own mother- Thank-you Mum!
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4 comments

Amber and fam said...

I appreciate your openness. I want you to know that you are not alone, I feel this way frequently. Sometimes it helps me to remember that if I didn't feel frustrated or impatient, I wouldn't realize that I need to be better. And how dull would life be if we were completely content with ourselves 100% of the time?!? We would have no urge to improve or to be better. So, in that light, having these feelings is a blessing, although it is hard to think of it that way when you're in the middle of it.

Thank you for your friendship, and for inviting Asher and me over the other day. I think you are a wonderful person and such an example of thoughtfulness and charity.

P.S. I'm going to add you to my buddy list, I hope that's ok. :o)

Lesley-Ann said...

Oh Jessie, You are just such an example to so many including me. You have so much patience and love, more then I ever had beleive me! You (and Ben) are doing a great job with Jack, he is such a high spirited, strong willed little boy, that will grow into a fine young man because of what you doing now and the way you are raising him. I'm so proud of you and I love the new piece of music on your blog 'Chariots of Fire', is that indicative of how you are feeling? Love Mum xxx

The Scott's said...

There are two types of boys, the ones that are thinkers and they sit for hours trying to meticulously figure gadgets out. And then there are the ones like my Carson and your Jack, although very smart they demonstrate it differently. They like to figure things out with a more hands on/trying it out approach by hitting, throwing tantrums, cleaning out toilet bowls with toothbrushes, then climbing in the toilet bowl so they can get the best angle to stuff all their toys down in the hole. I remember feeling like an utter failure every night because I lost my patience everyday. I remember when I got pregnant with my 4th and finding out it was a girl, I was convinced it was a girl because God knew I was failing with the only boy he sent me. There is no magical key, just keep doing what you're doing, patience and consistency. And keep the magical #3 in your sights. It was the magical age for Carson. He turned 3 and life just seemed to get easier! Hang in there!

Lisa said...

((hug))

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